Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
