toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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