You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
