You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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