Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
