I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
