i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
