I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
