i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
