Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
