is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
