Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
