My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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