I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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