3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize