I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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