My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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