just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think your dad took our porno
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
