i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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