he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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