I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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