I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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