perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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