I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
