you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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