I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The power of my boobs compel you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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