New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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