This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
