You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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