they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
