Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
