Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
