you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize