I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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