i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
