next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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