it wasn't lemon gatorade
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
