Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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