dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
