I hate all girls vehemently.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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