my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
