Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
