i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
