Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
