last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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