She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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