i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
