my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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