I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
