Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
