This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize