why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
