and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
