i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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