i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize