Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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