I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
