I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize