wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize