dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
