This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He passed out mid-signature
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
