apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
