Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
