I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
