C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
