Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
