Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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