there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
