we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The air taste purple.
Randomize
