Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
